Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
