So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Randomize
