He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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