Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
