Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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