Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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