Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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