Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
