I cannot find my penis.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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