Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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