Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
