I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
