Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
