Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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