The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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