Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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