how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
