He asked to "fluff my boner.."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
