they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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