"it" just moved
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
