Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
operation have a gay friend backfired
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
