So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
