and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
