dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
