Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
