just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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