i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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