I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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