week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
this just has baby written all over it
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
