I bet he comes in French.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
