so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
