my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
