I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
