he shaved USA in his pubs
im six kinds of drunk right now
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
