You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
