I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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