How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
