Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
