JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
