Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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