Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
