Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
