I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
