I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
