Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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