I looked at my own cervix.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
