Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
