You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
