so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
