my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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