so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
