I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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