just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
