worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
