I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
