is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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