her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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