The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize
