I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
