my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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