Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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