Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
