Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
