I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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