I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
