DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
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I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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