so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
