Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
