Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
