I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
you are never too drunk for berry picking
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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