I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
