she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
