I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
